Disclaimer: No of this makes sense and is not intended to hurt anyone. (if you happen to read this Sara you are considered family.)
I have never been one to feel sorry for myself, but this past summer and up until now I have(not to say this summer wasn’t great because it was but it was just hard). If you know me personally you know that I am the “tough cookie” or “bad bitch with no feelings”, that is were people are wrong I try my best to be strong for others and speak for those who have no voice but truly and honestly I have a ton of emotions they are all just stored up. I have not been diagnosed with depression from an MD, and I don’t take depression lightly so I will not self diagnose myself.
What I can tell you is that my friends are a huge part of who I am. I care so so so much for them and I love them all to death, but when I am the one who puts most of the effort into the relationship it becomes draining. I am constantly thinking “what did I do wrong?”, “what could I have done better?”, “did I say something to offend them?”. So maybe I am the one in the wrong. This summer I received 1 text from a friend 1, which read “Hey Gabbi! How have you been?! I hope great, miss you and was wondering if you’d like to see a movie tonight?” That was the only text I received where I did not start the conversation and of course when I went through my first break up my dear Kristin was there like I knew she would be because she is a true gem.But besides that no other effort was put from the rest of my friends the entire summer.
I wish nothing but good for all of my friends and will celebrate for them when good things happen to them. I truly truly wish that all of their dreams come true, they find themselves while we adventure into this exciting but scary time in our lives, find true love and happiness,and lastly realize how much I love them and always will love them. But I will no longer and mentally cannot put anymore effort into these “relationships”. I think it is necessary in this point in my life that I step back and stop caring for others and start caring for myself.
It is important that everyone find happiness and I think I have mine I have been blessed with an amazing family but I think I needed to hit rock bottom in order to realize that. When I say stop caring for others I don’t mean that as in only do for yourself but I think I need to concentrate less on the worldly pleasures and more on finding who I am and who I want to be surrounded by. Although I have my family there are some things I wish I could talk to a friend with and that is extremely hard to deal with when you realize that the people you have invested so much time into no longer care for you..
girls think having a period sucks but try having to fix your penis discreetly through your pocket
having the insides of your organs shed and come out through your genitals does not compare to having displaced balls sorry
none of you can do it discreetly anyways
we see you
everyone sees you
I made an old lady blush today at work because she ordered two senior coffees and I said “SENIOR ? I’m sorry miss, i’m going to have to ask to see some ID.” and she covered her mouth and went “Oh dear me” and couldn’t stop smiling
Bless your soul